Still No

As I lay here

body aching, bruises becoming discolored, bones healing

I look up and ask, “Is it time yet?”

Of course I hear no real answer,

but the answer begins to show itself clearly.

Still no.

“But why not?” I ask defiantly.

I’ve been through hell and back on a daily basis.

And now this.

And the answer is still the same?

Why can’t I have it, that, not even Him?

You brought me back for this?

For you to still give me the same answer

that you gave me before that night?

Why not just let what was suppose to happen happen?

Why bring me back miraculously, unharmed and unscathed?

All for you to say,

still no.

I don’t even know why I am mad.

I should be bouncing around with joy.

You brought me back from death, but

I still can’t help to wonder why.

And more importantly, why still no?

But I am not worthy enough to ask such questions.

You have the puzzle already figured out.

No need for me to squeeze in extra pieces.

I will just go and be grateful that I am able

to still embark on this journey.

And patiently wait for you to say yes.