Somehow this year, I’ve allowed myself to become more depressed than I’d like to admit. I’m used to dealing with my depression in various ways. I shut down, I cry, I throw myself into a project, I smoke, I drink, sometimes I’ll write, listen to music, watch a few episodes of Drag Race and be okay. But lately…I’ll do all these things and the end result is still sadness. Well sadness isn’t really the word. It’s more emptiness and anger, which I’ll break down.
Continue readingTag: Single parent
Worth It or Nah?
So there was a clip floating around on Twitter where a woman said that she could be dying on the side of the road and she would still not ask her child’s father for help. The men in the clip thought she was outrageous and couldn’t believe she was saying this. But after thinking about it…I understood completely where she was coming from.
Continue readingWeekend Dads AKA Deadbeats
A few weeks ago there was an interesting discussion on Twitter about men who only get their kids on the weekends. One guy argued that he was the best father in the world even though he only gets his son on the weekends. He then went on to say that he doesn’t think it is fair that his baby mama gets to collect child support and live off of him while he is in his child’s life. There were a few comments that were said back to him that got me to wondering. Why do “weekend dads” think they are God’s gift to their baby mama’s? Yes, we are grateful that you are spending time with your child, but please do not act like we should be running out to get you a “Number 1 dad” mug. Let me break it down so you can see why “weekend dads” are really the new term for deadbeats.
1. You only get them on the weekend. How does this make you an amazing parent? In my case, I have to work a fulltime job, come home and cook and clean, plus take my son to therapy every week. What do you do? You watch him run around and play for two days straight. Big whoop! If you are only involved in your kids lives Friday evening till Sunday morning, you are a deadbeat. There is no reason why you should not be participating in weekly activities or even calling to talk to your child. The guy on Twitter said that his baby mama only wanted him to see the kids on the weekend so she can go out and party with his child support. Now, I will get to the child support in my next point, but let’s address that first part. She is letting you keep the kids on the weekend so she can go out and party? Really? Did it ever occur to you that maybe she needs a break from her busy week of taking care of your child alone? Even if she is out partying, this is well deserved as seeing that Mon-Friday, you might as well not even have a child. You can come and go as you please, while she can’t even go to the grocery store without having to go through an ordeal. This is the one thing I hate that men do. They act like it is okay for them to go without responsibility all week, but when it comes to the weekend she’s a bad mom because she wants two days off. Get outta here.
2. Child support. This is the biggest pet peeve I have when it comes to taking care of a child and what men think. First, let me state that no woman, and I mean NO WOMAN, is living off of child support. Unless you are Kanye or Jay, those little child support payments do nothing for a woman in today’s society. I have two kids. I get a total of $130 for one and $350 for the other a month. That is a total of $480. My rent is $554, daycare is $140 a week, who is living off child support? Please! Men want to call us money hungry when we go through child support, but in actuality if you were doing what you were suppose to do, half of us would not even fool with child support. If I knew that I could call and say, “Hey, so and so needs some new uniform pants?” and I would get in return, “No problem,” then why would I file? But when you get BS every time your child needs something and you need help, you go with the only thing that you know will at least give you some type of assistance. Even though it is not enough. I once had my son’s father tell me that he would not help me with any of my bills because I choose to leave him. Those bills were my fault. Really? But your child is with me, full time. This is why child support was put in place. Now, I will say that some women use their child support for themselves and do nothing for the child. But this type of behavior is evident while you and the mother were dating. If you saw that she was no good while y’all were dating, please don’t act surprise when you see her in a new pair of Js and your child is rocking a pair of shoes too small. You knew she was a rat when you were dating. I’m just saying.
Now, before you go crazy, no, all weekend dads are not deadbeats. Some actually work hard and can only see their children on the weekends. But there is a big difference between not being able to see your children and not wanting to see your children. My biggest reason for writing this post was that single mothers d0 not get the credit that they deserve. Well, single parents, there are some excellent single fathers out there who fall into this category as well. We do not get the credit that we deserve. Instead, we have to stay strong and muster up whatever strength we have and take care of our children while the other party gets to sit around and do nothing, and then when the weekend comes, it’s their turn to do nothing again. When you deal with a child one on one for weeks on end, 24/7, then come and talk to me “weekend dads”. Right now, I just have no sympathy for you guys.
Depression is Killing Me
Leave work, smiling, happy. Get in my car and check my phone. This is where it begins. A non-answered text. This text sends me spiraling into a place that I know very well. A place that I have to confront almost weekly. A place where I find myself microwaving dinner, throwing on a movie for the boys and locking myself in my room, curled into a ball on my bed. A place where tears and thoughts are nonstop. This is nothing new to me. I’ve dealt with this since I was 9 years old. My first thoughts of suicide were around 12. This dark place was something I had become so used to that it got to the point where I knew exactly what was going to trigger it and could tell when it was coming on. Hence, where I am right now. My normal solution is food or liquor, but this would always make it worse. Liquor brought out more emotions and food just reminded me that I was fat and made me depressed all over again. A vicious cycle that I sometimes, still to this day, fall into. But tonight, I decided to do something different to try to clear my head. I decided to write. Get out all these emotions and not give a damn who saw it or who judged me. Of course this is easier said than done. Who knows how long it will take for me to push that publish button, but at least I can get everything out before my head explodes.
Why am I in such a depressed state? Well, let me first start by saying I am an extremely good actress. I laugh and giggle, and post random shit on Twitter, and post pics of me looking all perfect…ha! That is not me at all. Well, it is me, but to an extent. That is me trying to keep my mind clear. See, once I get inside of my head, it’s all downhill from there. Why am I still working a job that I don’t like? Why am I not where I want to be with my writing? Why am I the only one out of all my friends who is single? Why am I the only one who is taking care of her kids alone? Why am I the one who is never given a chance? Yeah, it must be me. I must not be good enough. See…this is what flows through my head when I allow it. If I sit and think about all the things that I want in life and why God is for, whatever reason, keeping me from it I start to truly lose it. I often am good at not dwelling on these things and putting my energy into something else, but then there are nights like these. Nights when I cannot control what my emotions do. I think this is the main reason why people, including myself, keep quiet about these types of things. People tend to think that you can control everything your body does and this is so far from the truth. Do you really think I want to be here crying over God knows what in the dark? No, I don’t. But just like you can’t help how much you love someone or who you fall in love with, the same thing goes for this. I don’t wake up saying, “I’m going to be a depressed bitch today.” No, it just is triggered and it happens.
Now, I’m writing all this as therapy for myself because I have not mustered up any strength to sit on a couch and deal with that whole thing. I have enough shit of my own to deal with as a single mother. The weight of that, alone, is enough to drive anyone crazy. Sometimes it would be nice to just have someone here to be strong for me. I have to be super woman every day, but sometimes I need someone to do the same for me. Anyways…if I decide to post this…people who know me do not and I mean DO NOT approach me with any of this. Act as if you never read it. I don’t need any sympathy or any extra phone calls or texts. Just keep doing like you’ve been doing because too be honest, it should’ve been done in the first place. Don’t act different just because of this post. This is something that I AM DEALING WITH and there is no need for all the extra coddling. Another reason why I have kept it in for so long. I hate to appear weak because I know that I am not. Anyways…I’m rambling and the tears have stopped…so I guess I’ll stop writing.
A True Bitch
*this post was written a while back. It is now being reposted due to website malfunction*
Excuse the abrasive title, but when I look at this picture of Tameka Foster, Usher’s ex and baby mama, those are the only words that come to mind. Only a bitch would keep a man from his kids intentionally. You are mad because he has moved on with his life and you just can’t let it go. For me, as a single mother, women like this piss me off. Both of my kids father’s are not involved in their life. One just doesn’t give a damn and the other is too damn crazy. I would give anything to have a man that was an excellent father and wanted nothing more than to be there for their child. Women like Tameka do nothing but take stuff for granted. You are mad because he wants more time with his kids? Bitch, try having no one around to help you with your kids. Try doing everything solely on your own. And let’s not even talk about finances. My biggest pet peeve is when chicks say I want more in child support. Oh, 3 or 4,000 is not enough? Bitch, try getting $50 a week, if that. Women, stop being so spiteful. So what if he doesn’t want you anymore. So what if he is beating down a better chick than you. So what if his career is more successful than yours. What does this have to do with the both of you raising that child? Have you ever stopped to think that maybe you are affecting your kids in a negative way? What child wants to constantly be around their parents who are always fighting? This does nothing but put a rift between yourself and your child. It’s not worth it. So instead of being selfish and spiteful, have common sense. You have a man that would do anything for his kids. Give him his time. Trust me. Us single moms would never take that for granted. Be thankful he is asking for more time instead of ignoring your calls. We always criticize men for being deadbeats and then when a good one comes around, you still tear him down. Make up your mind.
I am Jeanine Nicole 