This is going to be strictly about the work force. Do you know when it is time for you to leave a job? Of course, when another job becomes available or if you decide to move and venture off into another field, but what about those times when it is emotionally time for you to leave? How do we go about doing that? Especially if you are like me, a single mother and the only main source for financial stability. What do you do when your job has you feeling stuck and oppressed as if you were in a bad relationship? This is my dilemma. I have never felt emotionally unstable like this since I left my ex. My current job has me feeling like I am back in that space. Back in that whirlwind of emotion and drama. Not being able to speak out for fear of losing something. Having to take bullshit because what else can I do? If I speak up, I could be fired. This is the same as when I was in my relationship. If I spoke up, he could’ve left which would’ve left me with nothing since I was not working at the time. Abusive, even just mentally abusive, relationships are meant to make you feel like you have no power at all. This is exactly how I feel now in this situation. Schedules are changed or I am given unfair hours, but what can I say? Managers do whatever they want and I catch the brunt of the situation. I have been dealing with it for months now and normally I am okay, but lately I have gone into “I don’t give a fuck” mode. I really just don’t care anymore. I remember this part of the relationship as well.
I went into that stage where I didn’t care what he said or did to me. Whatever. You want to yell and threaten to kill me? Cool, I’ll just sit here and continue to watch TV. This is how I am now. I don’t give a damn about that job nor my coworkers. Once a team player, I’m now like “Fuck it. Every man for themselves.” At first, I felt bad for feeling like this, but then I thought about it. They sit around and continue to let me be mistreated by their superior so what do I owe them? Nothing. So, to my original question when do you know when it’s time to leave? When you start to feel like this. When you start to not care anymore. When you start to do things that you know could get you possibly fired, but you just don’t give a damn anymore. When it begins to play with your emotional stability to the point where it affects how you deal with the people you love. I have never been this type of person. Never been the angry chick, but recently…it’s been crazy. So now that you know it is time to leave. what next?
It’s time to devise a plan. And for me, my plan does not involve another job. At least not another job working for someone else. It is not what I want to do at all. I have never been on a job for more than two years and there is a reason for that. I was built for something more. My plan is writing. To not bullshit around, but to actually get it done. To stop looking at all those notebooks in the corner of my room and talk about the greatness that is inside but to actually open them up, type it, and get it out there. There is too much that I have to give and I don’t need it withering away at some stupid bank. God blessed me with that job at the moment because I needed it, but he has also blessed me with the opportunity to see that it is time to leave. How long I stay in this hellhole is up to me and no one else. I can throw a pity party, cuss every person out, and still be stuck in that job for another three or four years. Or I can be smart. Get all my opportunities in place and go with it. The time is now, because just like in that relationship I feel that “fight or flight” moment coming. But this time, I am smarter. I have what I needed to fully get out. I just have to go.